i knew the day was coming – i watched it coming on my calendar for weeks. the pink-washed october leads into my birthday and then rolls over and over to the date i was diagnosed with breast cancer. do you think it is better 6 years later? yes. and no. and yes. lessons learned; pounds gained and lost and sometimes gained again; a daughter moving from a child to a high-school teenager; a marriage pushed past 20 years; some nights sleepless; no less looking over my shoulder but perhaps with more perspective … or not. facing complicated choices about going on new and potent meds that statistically help with holding down recurrence rates but may or may not help me even a tiny bit but probably will not contribute to a positive quality of life that i currently have achieved. do i sacrifice my here and now for the what if? or do i jump off a no-meds-for-you cliff and hope that the mean and miserable rating on my oncotype test way back when doesn’t come back to haunt me – or worse, screw me over royally. i watch my parents struggle with aging; my sister grab life by the cojones even tho she struggles daily with blood sugars from a life-time of diabetes; my friends cope with …well, you know…all those things and thoughts and unexpected miseries – some even starting down this path for themselves and i try to find some way to help them through without falling down an emotional rabbit hole myself.
i spent much of today singing. and i thought…not bad missy. tomorrow it’s 6 and a day.
here was last year: https://beanygetsablog.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/5-years-and-1-day/