worrying about someone i don’t really know

it was an internet-driven six degrees of separation kind of thing except this had only 1 degree.  my friend lisa – whom i have ‘known’ now for easily 10 years through an online email loop that started in the aol moms bb boards and has honed itself  to 8 or 9 women emailing daily for many years now – had a friend sean – who used to work with her as a journalist and who was diagnosed with brain cancer … gioblastoma multiforme…and was writing a blog.  i was writing a blog.  and starting to reach out in my reading to listen to other people.  i wasn’t looking for cancer blogs.  i wasn’t looking for a fellow cancer patient.  i usually haunt cooking and kitchen blogs.  but lisa wrote about him a few times and once quoted something sean wrote in a post and i was intrigued.  so i peeked.  i was so freaked out by the intense nature of his cancer and writing that i bookmarked the page but it took me weeks to come back and read it.  but i did go back and what i found past the ‘this is what is happening to me’ was a deeply smart witty writer who was capable of taking his own personal dire circumstances and fashioning posts that were far-reaching in their content.  and then i kept reading.  and posted a bit…mostly with bits of support from a stranger in brooklyn, new york to an ailing journalist in florida…one of many caring voices urging him on and wishing him more than well.  but now, the posts have stopped.  i noticed right after 9/11 when he posted a poem written by a friend of his that i was the only comment on that post.  as if everyone else knew something.  i hear from lisa that the chemo is kicking his ass.  i wish there was a way that i could do more than sit at my laptop in my bedroom hoping that he finds his way to a better place.  it’s odd that it hurts to feel for someone i’ve never actually met. 

in a cruel irony, one of the sweetest teachers at my daughter’s school was just diagnosed with the same cancer and perhaps sean’s blog has given me insight into this path so that i can understand her journey better and help my daughter cope with worrying about her beloved mentor and teacher.

i hope you read through his blog.  his writing is wonderful.  i hope he and i ‘meet’ again when and if he starts writing again. 

sean holton’s blog is ‘SAME TIME TOMORROW’ –   

(How Sean Holton Learned To Stop Worrying And Just Have Brain Cancer Instead)

and can be found at:  http://seanholton.wordpress.com/   


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