says my husband – both frustrated with my hesitant defensive driving (WHEN did i start to drive like an old lady???? really…when?) and what he perceives as my not looking ahead enough and always looking over my shoulder to gauge the future by the less-than-illustrious-recent-medical-past. to be fair, he has a point. it’s just that i adjust in fits and starts. and the biggest thing that hinders me from plowing forward full force is that i always remember that i was hit completely out of the blue. happy as a clam (well, as happy as this clam can manage) and then BOOM! mess-with-your-head-you-might-die-CANCERCANCERCANCER-and-even-if-you-don’t-you’ll-wish-you-might-after-what-we-do-to-you-and-even-when-it’s-over-it’s-never-over-…just so you know.
i was taught to drive when i was 15-16 in driver’s ed. never just look forward. always look forward; then to the side-mirror; then forward; then to the other-side-mirror; then forward; then to the rear-view-mirror; then forward. it’s ingrained. i’m used to looking sideways and backward but i just need to remember that the last thing on the list is always to finish by looking forward.