up, up, up and down

it has been an unexpectedly emotional week.  i was going to say emotionally-draining but in some ways emotionally-bolstering or emotionally-charged might also fit the bill.  the new breast cancer screening recommendations set off a series of days in which i was furious (see previous post)– and still am, incredulous, and found myself ‘out’ as a breast cancer person in the world – “well, i was that one in 19,000″ and basically talking very publicly about the process and the path and how i feel today and how i worry about tomorrow,  etc.

yes, you’d think that has already happened.  my breast  cancer treatment was 4 years ago.  blink.  4 years passes like slow molasses and also quickly.  there are a new cast of characters in my life – work colleagues who didn’t know because they joined the firm more recently and you find yourself discussing cancer screenings and procedures from a very personal viewpoint – it’s the first time in a while that i once again felt that there was a neon sign over my head screaming ‘cancer’.  i wish i could say it read ‘cancer survivor’ but i haven’t quite gotten to that particular turn-in-the-road.   but i’m talking about it.  i know other women who can’t talk about it – it’s just too close to them – almost hovering over them – or they are still going through it.  the discussion can come close to rocking-the-karmic-boat – i know that feeling. 

at the end of the week, i feel tired.  i cannot imagine what it must feel like to be a full-time advocate.  the emotional toll must be enormous.  or is it just a job? 

i’m looking forward to 4 days away at thanksgiving.  don’t like the packing up or the traveling but do want a change of scene for a few days. 

 

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