4 years behind me.

and tomorrow, 4 years and 1 day.  today is my 4 year ‘anniversary’ of the sad and awful day i was diagnosed with breast cancer.  i won’t dwell too much on that day except to say that it was a surreal nightmare that seemed to go on and on.  of course, that might have been the copious amounts of xanax i ingested in order to find some way to keep breathing.  that xanax.  that was an eye-opener for a girl who didn’t take pharmaceuticals!  (actually, more like an eye-closer because even 1/2 a tiny dose put me right to sleep.)

i’m a little nervous to even ‘talk’ about it but then i reasoned that it is simply a fact.  and tomorrow, i will be 4 years and 1 whole other day away from that stupid fucking day. 

i’m 29 pounds lighter and have immeasurably improved my cholesterol and ldl’s and hdl’s and whatever other dl’s there are to improve.  i have hair.  i have stuff.  i have the most wonderful husband and am utterly in love with my quirky teenage daughter, no matter how many times she rolls her eyes at me.  i let myself sing at the top of my lungs (and, i promise you, that is inconceivably loud) when i’m in the basement on my wonderful elliptical.   for the moment, i’ve stopped compulsively eating between meals.  brooklyn is still one of the coolest places to live.  we have plans to travel more.  i have friends i like.  i feel here. 


6 Responses to 4 years behind me.

  1. I’ve heard you sing – loud – and it’s fabulous. I’m glad you’re here enjoying that and everything else you love!

    I’m almost 6 years out of treatment (November) and will be 7 years out of diagnosis in February. I still deal with some issues but I like watching those numbers get bigger. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and part of it’s a fog (the Ativan perhaps?). Mostly surreal.


  2. rebeany says:

    yes, the treatment ‘anniversary’ is end of june. split in two! ativan made me fall over. very surreal. keep moving forward rachel…i’m following your path.

  3. crazytobeme says:

    I have a friend who is think in the fog of gastric cancer and fighting like hell (“never underestimate the power of J” someone said), and we are praying just as hard. I truly hope that we can have similar celebrations with him beginning next June!

    Your story is one that brings me much hope. Congrats and Peace to you and your family. Keep looking forward!

  4. Gannet Girl says:

    So proud of you and happy for you.

  5. Carol says:

    So happy for you on this anniversary, Bean.

  6. Kathryn J says:

    Happy Anniversary (a few days late)! That was a terrible day and a rough time for the next year but four years is something to absolutely celebrate. You are doing great and are an inspiration.

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