let’s make a deal; let’s make another deal; let’s make another deal; …

i’ve been noticing that i have dealt with all the changes in my life over the past year with a series of negotiations.  food and exercise, certainly the two biggest categories to be subject to large change, are telling.  with food, i promise myself everything.  then, when faced with the possibility, i negotiate with myself.  ‘just wait another 1/2 hour and you can have that.’  ‘yes, you can have that cheesesteak, but i bet you could find a good hearty salad around and why not just have that cheeseteak tomorrow?’  ‘i will only walk a short walk on my elliptical…ok, 2 more minutes…ok, if you start running a bit you can say you ran for 3 minutes which is the length of this new song you just put on your ipod…ok, actually feeling ok at the moment, i bet i can run another 3 minutes.’ 

somehow all these mini-deals — mini-negotiations — have added up.  but sometimes i’m tired of them.  tired of myself.  i just want to be that ok person who *wants* to exercise for 30 minutes and feel the sweat run down my face and neck.  i just want to be that regular person who *wants* the salad and boneless chicken breast over the chicken parmigiana with a side of pasta and just a few pieces of that yummy garlic bread. 

ironically, i like salad.  i like my silly 100 calorie fudge pops.  and, please don’t tell anyone i said this, i like how i feel after i exercise.  it’s the getting to it all that’s difficult.  i see so many people stuck in their lives..unable to change anything – their attitudes, their friendships, their relationships .. and i swore i would not be that person.  i want to be open to change even as i leap into my low-50’s.  as usual, i’ve figured out how to change the back-end.  it’s just that i’m still slowly sliding into the front part …a series of carefully-negotiated deals with myself.  good thing i’m buying, huh?


3 Responses to let’s make a deal; let’s make another deal; let’s make another deal; …

  1. Janet says:

    Oh man bean can I ever identify with this, all of it!

  2. Jeanne says:

    Just yesterday I started actively watching what I am eating with the intention of loosing weight. Not quite sure what put me over the edge… partly a good friend who just lost 45 lbs using an application on his iTouch (Lose It!). I thought to myself — hey.. we have one of those. I could do that. I like graphs and figuring out patterns to things.

    According to the little computer’s math – I should be able to get to my goal weight by New Years.

    I hope I can stick with it that long.

  3. Kathryn J says:

    This is totally me and I need to get back to making some changes. I’m disgusted every time I see a picture of myself or catch sight of myself in a mirror someplace.

    You have been doing great! Everyone of those deals has been worth it as you look and feel better. After spending last week watching what I eat, I’m starting to gain a better understanding of the term “fat and happy”. I do not like being hungry.

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