affirmative action



last friday was an anniversary of sorts. one year ago, bertha entered my life and my house.  i wrote about bertha earlier.     i’ve been thinking a lot about the thought process that went into deciding to get so mirrors my life.  i take a long time.  i don’t even acknowledge that i’m thinking about something important but i instinctively know that the gears are back there turning.  i mull.  a lot.  and then i know.  i just know.  the university term paper get succinctly written.  the paperwork gets done.  i decide to sing at a friend’s wedding.  i buy the elliptical and know that my life has changed forever. 

my manager at work has long since stopped asking me those traditional questions about my goals.  she hates my answer.  when she interviewed me, she brightly looked at me with hope and enthusiasm and said:  what are your sales goals?  man oh man am i not cut out for a traditional life.  i wouldn’t know a traditional reply if it was written on a card in my pocket.  ‘one deal a month.’  i thought she would pass out.  somehow i  got hired.  but that was one of my most honest answers publicly ever.  i knew that if i got one deal a month, i would strive for the 2nd and the 3rd.  but i wasn’t going to put it on a billboard only to fall flat on my face.  and last year i exceeded it with over 28 deals.  this year…good thing that’s my goal!  i might achieve it. 

getting off the topic tho.  i had to decide – in my very private heart of hearts – how to handle this expensive decision i had made.  was i just buying the sporting paraphernalia but then would leave it all behind?  i did take it day by day.  every single day agreeing to one more day of this.  i think that my decision to ‘never go on a diet again’ has been one of the most helpful things i have done.  i decided that there were a few things i could give up:  mayonnaise (i had a serious and cumbersome egg salad jones for the past few years); ice cream (substituted non-fat frozen yogurt or fudge bars) and a decision to try to eat ‘one major visible carb a day’.  those three things changed everything.  i eat.  i really eat.  and i love yogurt and fruit and almonds for breakfast – and allow myself to buy the stupidly expensive but truly wonderful fage 0% thick greek yogurt.  i tend to save my big carb for dinner – a baked potato or rice or pasta.  in fact, i almost never skip that big carb- it makes me feel normal.  i still have to convince myself to go walking – tho these days it’s more power-walking and flat out running – but i do well with a regular schedule and if i can do it in the morning, i feel so right these days.  (it’s wreaked a little havoc with my morning work schedule but …)

1 year.  23.5 pounds shed.  slowly.  bit by bit.  For me, the biggest milestone was finally finally finally creeping under the 180 mark while still being able to go to my favorite french restaurant once every few weeks for pan-roasted chicken and sauteed spinach and a glass of sauvignon blanc. actually, if i’m being honest here, the biggest milestone is that i am still ok with my goals – as private as they may be.   hooray.


4 Responses to affirmative action

  1. Janet says:

    bit by bit…words to live by

  2. Kathryn J says:

    I am also a big fan of realistic goals. I may have to adopt the single carb a day thing. Grad School is too much sitting and induces cravings for comfort food – not a good combination. Maybe I should consider taking another lesson and dusting off my exercise bike.

  3. Alexandra says:

    Wow! Very impressive and inspirational. I should follow you.

  4. Gannet Girl says:

    Bean, could you write a little about changing your emtional relationship with food? That’s my biggest problem and I can’t seem to resolve it. One day of eating healthily and in small portions completely depletes my emotional resolve and then the next day — worse than ever.

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