the season of almosts



as a freelancer, i’m quite used to watching events, deals, jobs, etc. swirling and then finding that you’re on…in the middle of happening things.  as a freelancer in a tanking economy, i’m getting used to working almost every single day and being as busy as i’ve been in good years but finding that everything is swirling and nothing is happening.  it’s been months of almost.  nothing is coming in to any finality.  and it’s not just real estate deals – although that is it’s own kettle of swarming fish – but also plans for the future; plans for summer; plans for my garden; and…all of it.  i know that neither hubby nor i can really commit to summer vacation plans because my business is stalled out and his (also freelance) business is down.  i just can’t quite get used to working so hard and not getting anything from it.  if i were just out of work (and i’m not trying to temp the fates here) i’d simply be out of work.  though maybe then i’d be working hard to find work.  sigh.  i just have to believe that all the swirling will eventually settle down into some of substance sooner rather than later.  i feel like i can will it into substance.  i think i can, i think i can…


3 Responses to the season of almosts

  1. Janet says:

    bean, first I want to tell you how much I have been liking your blog and then tell you how much this is resonating with me. The swirling and the willing, the tanking economy. While I am still applying for paid work, I have also have started putting out feelers for positions that will give me experience if not money, it is demoralizing yet I am trying to stay positive, not so easy for a half glass empty kind of gal.

    Also are you really up at 4 am? I am

  2. Kathryn says:

    Why are both of you up in the middle of the night?

    Bean – I hope it improves soon for both you and hubby. Come up to the Finger Lakes and visit me for a summer vacation. We’re also going to be in CT at various times this summer – you?

  3. Lisa says:

    I’m swirling, swirling, swirling, too. I feel like I lurch from one crisis to the next. This is so not fun.

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