i have been trying to not be a superstitious person. it’s not the easiest task. fallen salt here; knock on wood there. it’s written into our upbringings – a kenahara, feh, spit, pooh-pooh – all things to keep bad luck at bay. mostly, i haven’t wanted to think about the longer line attached to these gestures which eventually translate into the idea that the path can be changed or thwarted. that you either fall into the camp that thinks that life events are fated or that there are mystical and mysterious breezes that carry left turns and new unexpected paths. if you believe the 2nd, then all the bowing and spitting upon the ground and salt over your shoulder should provide a very interesting ride. i think, though, that if i truely believed that all the bowing and spitting on the ground and salt over my shoulder influenced that ride, that i would become like ‘monk’ (the ficticious detective not the religious types) and become so clutched with the having to do this and that and i would become immobile in my life.
however, every once in a while, i wonder. this past friday – the start of the long holiday weekend – all i could think was: i just want a quiet weekend in my garden and i don’t want to leave home for a few days. i’ve been working some part of 7 days a week for months now and this was going to be a treat. what happens? i get so sick i cannot get out of bed for 3 days. i wanted to yell out: i didn’t mean this!!!!!!! 3 and 1/2 years ago, i had a very busy start to the year. i was working nonstop and i remember saying to a few people: all i wanted was a quiet summer. i got it. i got cancer. my life stopped and i wanted to yell out: i didn’t mean thisssss!!!!!!!!!!! i’m a little nervous to say what i want now! should i knock on wood? spit on the ground? is my fate set or might there be some mysterious cross-draft just waiting to shift the path of my life at any time?