don’t look behind the curtain


i’ve been in a real funk lately.  i guess partly because my commission-based income has come to a complete halt … just when i was basking in the glow of well-earned experiential gravitas.  gravitas and $1.35 will buy me a cup of coffee.  but i’m drinking my coffee at home these days or submitting to the truely awful tepid water-pods in the office keurig.  but more because i have periods where i just wait for something awful to happen.  or re-happen. cancer is not a good thing for an already slightly-paranoid personality.  and this newspaper article from the nytimes today doesn’t help at all.  it was so frightening.  basically, telling us that for all our crowing and donated mega-money to cure cancer and all the happy politically-correct rosey phrases about ‘survival rates’ and “significant survival advantage” we’re essentially fucked. feh.

Yet the grim facts about cancer can be lost among the positive messages from the news media, advocacy groups and medical centers, and even labels on foods and supplements, hinting that they can fight or prevent cancer. The words tend to be carefully couched, but their impression is unmistakable and welcomed: cancer is preventable if you just eat right and exercise. If you are screened regularly, cancers can be caught early and almost certainly will be cured. If by some awful luck, your cancer is potentially deadly, miraculous new treatments and more in the pipeline could cure you or turn your cancer into a manageable disease.

Unfortunately, as many with cancer have learned, the picture is not always so glowing.

i have always held the fear that there was little behind the beautiful couches and soothing music and calming words. i guess i appreciated them when i had a needle shoved into my vein for 6 hours at a pop, but now i feel woken up and furious.


4 Responses to don’t look behind the curtain

  1. Gannet Girl says:

    I don’t even want to read the whole article. Kind of matches life in general.

  2. Welcome to blogland. I know what you mean, ‘woken up and furious’. I’ve had a much harder time emotionally post-treatment than I ever did while going through chemo and radiation.

    Hugs to you, Beany!

  3. Laurie says:

    I’m sorry that you now have this constant companion – fear. It is so unfair and must suck up much energy that you would prefer to spend elsewhere.

  4. Kathryn says:

    I read similar articles over the weekend and was infuriated but I’m sure it wasn’t even close to your feelings. As a chemist, I’m furious at what we are doing to our planet. I wrote something longer but just deleted the rest of my original comment.

    Welcome to the blogosphere Bean! I’m glad you are there.

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